


All He'd Ever Have

by lachoy



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3345434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachoy/pseuds/lachoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But he didn't have Poland's heart, only his lips because Poland was lonely. That was it. He liked the attention and if Lithuania was doing this, Poland would forget all about their weekly nights together. And Prussia hated that the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All He'd Ever Have

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two years ago almost. I finally got around to editing it and uploading it somewhere.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with you.”

“Neither can I.”

“I like, have so many better things to be doing here.”

“You think I don’t? I’ve got loads.”

“Haha, like what?”  
Poland’s laughter made Prussia look over at him and scowl. “Loads of stuff. Stuff that isn’t your business. You’ve always been a nosy asshole.”

“You’re totally insulting me because you don’t have anything to do,” Poland sung as he drank down his vodka. At least he wasn’t drinking some fruity drink, Prussia thought. It was like he was actually drinking with a man. But Prussia could still think of better drinking buddies than Poland.

Screw everybody for ditching out on him. Screw them for leaving him with Poland. He was so irritating. Just sitting there like he thought he owned the place just because he was still a country. It was a dumb decision on God’s part, Prussia thought. Letting Poland be a country again. Why Poland? What good was he?

“Lithuania isn’t here, is he?” Prussia commented, grasping at the last thing he could. If he had to be miserable then so did Poland. There was no way he'd let Poland be the only one coming up with his own quips. “What’s he doing? Dating Belarus?”

Prussia was greeted with Poland looking none too happy. Just what he wanted. “No. He’s hanging with his brothers and he doesn’t like drinking. Hungary was supposed to come, but—“

“She’s too busy screwing with that pansy Austria,” Prussia interrupted and laughed loudly at Poland’s horrified face. "What?"

“Don’t talk about Hungary that way! You’re just jealous she isn’t with you!”

Prussia’s face fell and he took his beer, taking some big gulps before he slammed it down. “No. I don’t need her. It’s pretty pathetic when you need someone like that and I don’t need anybody but my damn self.”

Poland snickered and poured himself another glass of vodka. “Yeah and like, it’s because you don’t have any choice to hang out with anybody but yourself.”

There wasn’t much to say to that. Prussia glowered at him, hoping it came off as denial, and a believable denial, as he drank his beer. Maybe not a lot of people were around to hang out with him and maybe nobody really wanted to. It didn’t bother him. It wasn’t like this was the first conversation he’d had in a while. It was them insulting each other, but that’s how it had always been with him and Poland. Back during the Teutonic Knights days, even when they’d made that deal for him to help Poland out. Though Poland had never really liked him anyway. It hadn’t mattered. It wasn’t like he had ever thought Poland was pretty or he had honestly wanted to do anything with him. He’d been a kid. Kids did dumb things.

“So what’s it like wanting to suck Lithuania’s dick and never getting the chance?” Poland was not allowed to get the last word.

Poland’s eyes widened in disgusted anger and he looked ready to leap at Prussia. “I do not!”

Prussia barked a laugh and he sneered. “Yeah, you do. Everybody knows it, idiot. You want to screw him and he wants nothing to do with it because he’s busy chasing after that psycho. How’s that feel?”

Poland looked away, his face red. “I don’t. Okay? Like yeah, Belarus is a stupid choice to try to date and Lithuania could so much better. But it’s not like I want to date him. He's my best friend."

“Nah, it’s like that. Never gonna get your supply of dick.”

“You’re just jealous because I don’t want yours.” Poland sniffed and turned his nose up to the air, trying very hard to not look anywhere. Prussia knew when he had succeeded at bothering someone and Poland was definitely bothered.

“Hah! Like I want you to want it. Please. I’d have to get Germany to move the fucking country away from you if I thought you wanted me.”

“You wanted to touch my balls when we were kids.”

Prussia had been ready to take a sip of his beer when he heard Poland say that and it almost spilled on him. He didn’t think Poland remembered that. He thought that would have been buried long in the past.

“I was a kid!” Prussia defended himself.

“A kid who totally wanted to touch my balls.”

Prussia felt himself pout before he changed it to an ugly frown. “That’s long over. I was a stupid kid with bad choice in whose balls I wanted to touch. I've got better taste now and a lot more options.”

They went silent for a moment. The conversation was at a weird spot and Prussia wasn’t going to be the one to change it. He didn’t want to talk to Poland. If Poland wanted to talk so damn badly, he’d have to change the subject to something that interested him. Prussia finished his beer and ordered another one. When he took his first sip, Poland cleared his throat. Acting like he was trying to talk, but too shy to do it. That’d always been Poland. Sissy little guy who got all damn pouty at strangers.

“Why did you want to?”

“What?” Prussia tried to act disinterested. There was no way he cared about anything Poland wanted to know.

“Why were you so into me? You said it was because I was girly, but that was a totally dumb excuse.”

Poland was looking like he was trying to control his blush. Like he didn’t want anybody to know he was embarrassed to ask this. Any other time Prussia would have laughed at it, but he looked kind of cute. His hair was that nice blond color and his eyes…

He remembered Poland as a child, looking so small and innocent. Back when things had really seemed a lot more simpler. You got your sword and battled. Hoping somebody would take your side and finding ways to make someone do it. Nothing to worry about with bombs and guns. Poland had been pretty and so he had simply wanted him.

Prussia shrugged. “First of all I wasn't that into you. Get over yourself. You were okay looking, kind of pretty. Just a little. You were the only good choice at the time.” It was the beer and the nostalgia that made him admit it. Nothing else. Poland would laugh at him now and they’d go back to arguing.

But when Poland laughed, it came out as an amused giggle and Poland sounded cute when he did that. Prussia tried to get that thought out of his mind. He needed to remember who Poland was and how he wasn't really all that cute.

“Yeah, I was a really cute choice. But I am still totally pretty.”

Yeah, you are. “I guess if you're blind.”

“…I might like, be here next week. Maybe. I don’t know.” Poland made the comment sound off-handed and Prussia tried to pretend he didn’t hear him.

\--

It was next week when Poland actually did come back. Prussia had been keeping an eye out on him and he had already finished two beers when Poland entered the bar. He looked different. Like maybe he’d put some thought into looking nice. He had some girly shirt on. His blond hair was clipped back with some butterfly clip.

“Wow, like, look what the cat dragged in.” Poland sat down next to him, ordering a shot of vodka as he sighed. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting a drink, asshole,” Prussia said. He threw the insult in because he was starting to wonder exactly why they were doing this. He’d come back here because he knew Poland would be back. Poland had said he’d be here. “Got a buddy with you or something? You always have someone you’re clinging onto.”

Poland shrugged and got his drink, sipping it carefully. “Hungary’s busy and so is Liet. Italy’s out with Germany I think, but you’d know all about that.”

“Shut it,” Prussia growled and then sighed. “Stuck with you another night. Perfect.”

“Yeah, a total bummer. Ugh.”

Yet that was all they did the same day every week. Go to the same bar and drink together. Same time, same bar, same day. For weeks they acted like it was one big coincidence and like it was the worst thing either could be stuck with. A lot of the time they fought, old memories popping up and Poland really loved to remember Prussia’s face when Lithuania had snuck up behind him and almost killed him. Almost as much as Prussia loved to remember the partitions of Poland. There had been a few times Poland had walked away from him.

But they kept coming back. It was hard to deny that Poland was attractive. Prussia thought maybe he really hadn’t had bad taste as a kid. There was something good about Poland. The way he dressed, the way he carried himself. How his lips would do that smirk, a devilish little thing that sat a little too well on Poland’s face. That smirk would become a pout just as easily and he was cute when he did that. Sometimes their conversations would steer into friendly territory and it was like they had never been idiots. Sometimes they'd laugh and then they'd remember who they were. They'd try to go back to being antagonistic to each other, but it was always awkward after that.

They always had free time for each other because the people in their lives were busy. Two lonely people who found each other, even if they didn't fit at all. But sometimes when Poland would look at him, actually look at him with a smile, it was easy to forget about everything.

Yet it was so simple to remember exactly why he had found Poland attractive when they were kids. When he was with Poland, he remembered him as that pretty little boy and all in all? Poland really had grown up nicely.

Prussia wondered why Lithuania hadn’t already taken Poland, though. They’d been married (Prussia could never forget that), but everybody had known it’d been nothing but a business arrangement. Close friends, but nothing else. Everybody had also known how Poland wanted more and still did. How Lithuania was too busy mooning over Belarus for him to even notice Poland like that. Prussia didn’t get it. If Poland wanted to jump in bed with him, he wouldn’t be saying no. Belarus was beautiful, but she was crazy, obsessed with Russia, and would probably tear your dick off if you want too close. Why would you want that over Poland?

At one point Prussia had seen Lithuania and Poland walking to some place. Poland had his arm linked with Lithuania and they looked exactly like a couple. It was probably what Poland hoped for. Poland had been smiling and dressed nicely, chatting about something enthusiastically. But Lithuania? He looked so plain. His hair didn't have the shine Poland's did and nothing about him stood out to Prussia. Lithuania was so dull next to Poland. He wasn’t anything special. Prussia had never liked him. If he hadn’t been a pagan, he’d been too damn attached to his pagan days. He'd been a heathen back then and even if Prussia didn't care about religion as much as he had once upon a time, Lithuania still wasn't much better in Prussia's eyes than a heathen.

And Poland was in love with him.

Prussia wouldn’t call it jealousy. No way in hell was this jealousy. It was just confusion over why anybody would spend almost seven hundred years being in love with the same guy. Especially a guy like Lithuania. Boring and a wuss who didn't even like him back.

When Poland had seen Prussia, they met eyes and Prussia wasn’t really sure what to do or say. They weren’t friends. Just two guys who drank together and had a history of torturing each other. When Lithuania looked, Poland quickly stuck his tongue out at Prussia, who half-heartedly given him a nasty look. He could hear Lithuania’s sigh even as he walked away, telling Poland he shouldn’t aggravate people on purpose. It was a laugh, like Lithuania even cared about him.

Prussia wasn’t sure if he had wanted to see Poland that week. He had still felt very irritated at the idea that he was so hung up on Lithuania. But something made him go and he was surprised to see Poland there before him. Poland always came after and Prussia wondered what made him come earlier. But he laughed and sat down with him, ready to say something that would get the ball rolling. Make Poland call him a name or something.

But the face Poland had made him stop.

“Whoa, you on your period or something?” His words were harsh, but his voice wasn’t.

Poland frowned at him and quickly gulped down his vodka. He was trying to get drunk. Poland had said he didn’t get drunk often because of Lithuania. Something about how Lithuania didn’t like dealing with drunk people.

“Would you date Belarus?”

Prussia scowled. “No way in hell. She’s a nut. You’re a nut if you want to do anything with Russia.” He paused and then added on, “She’s hot, though.” How would Poland react to that?

“She isn’t even that hot okay! But yeah, she’s really crazy.” Poland rubbed at his eyes and looked lost. Like there was an answer he just couldn’t find. “Lithuania’s on a date with her. She’s going to hurt him. She breaks his hands or does something bad to him every time they go out. It’s what she always does. She like, just treats him like crap. He deserves so much better and he won't listen to me about her. Like my opinion doesn't matter. And…shit.”

It was a surprise when Poland cursed. He had never really heard him saying anything like that before. It was awkward how obvious it was that Poland was hurt. Prussia was surprised Poland was even showing it. Poland had always been good at acting like he was walking on sunshine.

“It’s his own fault then,” Prussia said as he ordered a beer. “If Lithuania wants to get into shit with her, it’s his fault. Stop worrying about it so much.”

Poland gave him a dirty look. “He’s my best friend. And I…”

“Love him. You love him, just spit it out.” Prussia tried to sound neutral and not show how much he hated that fact. “Why you’re so in love with the wuss beats me, though.”

“He isn’t a wuss!” Poland shouted loud enough for people to look over. “He’s got loads of good qualities! Liet’s like the best guy I’ve ever met, okay? He’s sweet and super smart. He always cares and he’s just always working so hard.” Poland groaned and had another drink. He was definitely getting on the way to being drunk. Poland was never this open about stuff. Not things that bothered him. Prussia figured that out quickly into their meetings.

“Could you be anymore gay for the guy?” Prussia had gotten his beer and started to drink with him. If Poland was getting drunk so was he. It was a good enough of a reason. “So you’re going to get shitfaced so you don’t get all depressed?”

Poland shrugged. “Haven’t gotten drunk in a super long time. I can like, do it this time.”

They talked about Lithuania mostly as they drank much to Prussia’s displeasure. Poland had had more to drink and was closer to being drunk than Prussia was and Prussia knew he had to get drunk to hear about Lithuania. He hoped he’d die before he got this lovesick over anybody. His thing for Poland didn’t count. He found Poland hot and liked how Poland knew how to stand up for himself. Or he did now. It used to be annoying and Poland had always been a thorn in his side, but everything was different now.

Poland put away his drink and shook his head. “Ugh, I don’t want to get drunk. I don’t know. I don’t want Liet to come home and see I’m all drunk. He hates it. I totally don’t want him to hate me.”

Maybe Poland didn’t want to drink anymore, but Prussia kept going. “I think you need to get laid.”

“What?!” Poland blushed and he had a really pretty blush, Prussia commented to himself. “How can you just blurt that out? Oh my gosh, you’re drunk. You're so embarrassing.”

Prussia laughed loudly. “I’m Prussia! Takes more than this to get me drunk. Not drunk. I just think it’s dumb you’re getting all upset over this. Can’t have Lithuania, go have someone else.”

“Like you know anything about that.”

“I could know something.” Prussia looked Poland straight in the eyes. So maybe he didn’t really know anything about sex and in his tipsy state could admit that to himself, but it seemed like an easy thing to fix.

Poland looked away, acting shy and Prussia decided he was going to fix his lack of experience. He’d lost his chance for things like this when they were kids, but he seemed like he had another go at it. Grabbing Poland’s wrist and ignoring his outraged cries, Prussia pulled Poland outside then against a wall. They stared for a moment and Poland could easily get away. They both knew Prussia basically had no more power left to him, but Poland stayed where he was. The knowledge made Prussia lean down and kiss Poland passionately. He really didn’t know what he was doing, but neither did Poland and they grabbed each other tightly.

Prussia wasn’t sure if this was actually a good kiss, but it was good enough for him and Poland. Poland wasn’t pulling away and the kiss didn’t stop until a horn honked and Poland pushed him away, gasping for breath.

“Oh my gosh, you kissed me…”

Prussia wiped at his mouth. “Yeah.”

Poland pouted, going quiet and Prussia wanted to see what he’d say. What he’d do. Prussia couldn’t see the problem in kissing him more, but some part of him wanted Poland to show he clearly wanted a kiss too.

“Do it again.”

That was all Prussia needed to start kissing him again. Poland moaned against his mouth and they were clinging to each other. Hands grabbing where they could and maybe Poland hadn’t been on his mind in years, but this was good. This was really good. Poland fit well in his arms and was eager about this. Prussia had to wonder why he’d never kissed anybody like this before. It was probably because nobody had ever wanted to kiss him, but man, were they missing out because he was so awesome at this.

At times they moved their heads the wrong way and their noses would bump, but their lips seemed to move perfectly. Poland wanted him and he wanted Poland. That was all he needed and it felt damn good to be wanted like this. Even if he knew that he'd be pushed aside easily.

Poland turned his head away and panted as Prussia stayed where he was. They were both close to each other and their hands were still on the other. Prussia’s on Poland’s hips and Poland’s on Prussia’s shirt, clutching at it. Poland seemed a lot more out of breath and Prussia figured it probably had something to do with shame since Poland never did get rid of that Christian prudishness.

“I don’t like, really love you,” Poland muttered, frowning as he turned to look back at Prussia. His green eyes shone in the darkness and he seemed sad. “I love…” He trailed off, not really wanting to say the words.

Prussia was glad he didn't say them. It didn't matter about love. “Yeah, I know. Want to go back to my place? Germany’s out for a while.”

Poland seemed like he had to think about it before he nodded, giving Prussia a small kiss before they hurriedly went to Germany’s. Prussia didn’t have much, just a room. But he had a bed and that was enough. The walk over was quick and he was glad for it. He didn’t want Poland chickening out and backing out. Prussia wasn’t sure what they were going to do, but he didn’t want Poland deciding it was suddenly a bad idea. It wasn’t. They didn't need to love each other. Nothing had to be too serious. They could just have fun and that would be all right. What could go wrong?

Prussia led Poland to his room and Poland looked around it, judging. Prussia rolled his eyes and grabbed Poland’s hand. Poland looked to him and pouted, obviously shy about this. If Prussia thought about it, maybe having someone like this all alone in your room was something to be anxious about. If you had never done anything like this before. Things were still shaky. They both got into arguments and petty name calling a little too easily. It wasn’t easy to understand how things had taken this turn, but Prussia definitely didn’t care and he didn't think Poland did either.

“Germany is out, right?”

Prussia nodded. “Yeah. We’re fine.” He sat Poland down on the bed and Poland looked like he was fighting a blush. His mind told him to call him a sissy, but he didn’t and instead kissed him because he really didn’t want to tell him he looked cute. Poland kissed him back for a moment until he pulled away a little.

“Can we just…kiss? Until, like, I don’t know. Until that gets boring, I guess.”

Another nod and Prussia leaned in to kiss Poland more eagerly this time. They had a set plan and Prussia was resolved to master this tonight. From the way Poland kissed back, Poland would be okay with this idea and that alone made Prussia push Poland back against the bed. He’d been ready to try making the kissing more passionate, but Poland shoved Prussia away. He looked worried and Prussia couldn’t remember seeing him look like that before.

“I said just kissing!”

“No shit. But sitting up is uncomfortable. Don’t whine.”

Poland frowned, looking up at Prussia. He moved a hand up to push strands of hair out of his face. “If you do anything else, I’ll—“

“You’ll what? Who cares. Shut up and kiss me.” He wasn’t going to do anything else. Not yet. He had never been with anybody and this was not going to be screwed up. With that thought, he leaned down to kiss Poland softly. It was a little too affectionate for his tastes, but he wanted Poland to know he wouldn’t go pushing him into anything. They were just going to kiss and that was it. Poland smiled against his lips and Prussia heard himself moan before he turned the kiss into something that wasn’t too affectionate. But needy and when Poland gave a pleasured whine, Prussia really hoped he could hear it again.

He moved his lips to Poland’s neck, wondering if he could make Poland moan doing this. Poland’s head tilted to the side, allowing Prussia free reign and Prussia took it. His lips moved against his skin, trying to find something so he could—

“Prussia...”

Prussia learned how to make Poland say his name and how to bite just hard enough where Poland would make a delightful gasp. How to leave a mark and how to make him clutch at his shirt. They’d only been at it for not even half an hour, but Prussia really felt like he’d learned so much in that time. It wasn’t until Poland saw the time and pushed Prussia up, panting. His face was faintly red as he sat up, fixing his shirt. Prussia didn’t want him to go, but he took pride in watching Poland try to calm down. He'd done that to him.

“Liet’s probably coming home soon. I like, don’t want him to worry.”

“You think he’ll be coming home tonight?” Prussia was sure he would. Poland and Lithuania were both alike in one way, but he still felt a need to irritate Poland. Even after they kissed like that.

Poland gave him a glare and stood. “Duh. I have to make sure he’s okay. Do you like, have any mouth wash? I don’t want Liet smelling my breath.”

Prussia gave him directions and while Poland was gone for the moment, he brushed his hands through his hair. Would that be it? Just blame it all on having too many drinks and have Poland awkwardly avoid him forever? They had had chemistry for these past months and he knew Poland had felt it too. Of course he had. They’d been making out for a reason. But would Poland want to build upon it?

He was about to give a sigh until Poland came in, looking a little shy before he ran forward and gave Prussia a kiss on his cheek. A smirk quickly came on his face. “I’ll see you next week.”

Prussia watched him leave before he flopped to his bed, trying to remember the way Poland had looked out of breath and well-kissed.

\--

That day after, when Poland came to visit him at the bar, he started dressing differently. His clothes seemed like he’d put much more thought into them. His hair seemed shinier and he wore different lip gloss. Prussia knew because him and Poland learned how to kiss each other much better. It wasn’t too romantic. Usually in a bathroom because Lithuania or Germany were in their houses. Poland only complained about his clothes getting dirty, but the thoughts were soon kissed away.

Prussia learned how to make Poland moan and Poland learned how his smile made Prussia do anything he wanted him to do. Poland was adorable at times and Prussia, loathed as he was to admit it, loved adorable things.

It wasn’t perfect and sometimes Poland would look a little upset, get a far off look in his eyes and Prussia knew why. He wasn’t the one Poland wanted to do this with. Poland liked kissing him and they had some sort of attraction. But he didn't have Poland's heart, only his lips because Poland was lonely. That was it. He liked the attention and if Lithuania was doing this, Poland would forget all about their weekly nights together.

And Prussia hated that the most.

Poland never bothered to stop the meetings and neither did Prussia. Kissing was good and Poland was good. Poland’s skin was soft and sometimes Prussia found it interesting how much Poland looked like a girl. Yet when his hand would slide up his stomach, he knew Poland wasn’t. It was a strange mix and it was so Poland.

It was one night that Prussia was at Poland’s and they hadn’t made it to the bedroom. They were kissing on the couch and Poland was clinging to him. It’d taken a few months for them to feel ready to actually touch each other. Really touch each other and Poland was covering his mouth as Prussia sucked on his neck, rubbing against Poland to show how turned on he was. They still didn't touch under clothes and erections had to fade away.

The mood was suddenly ruined when he was pushed off of Poland and Poland ran to a mirror, panting and blushing. He was trying to fix his hair and wipe his smudged lip gloss away.

“Oh my gosh, go! I think Liet’s going to be back soon!”

Prussia scowled. “You’re gross.”

“What?” Poland turned back to him, frowning in confusion.

“You heard me. You were on the couch just now, moaning my name, and all you want is Lithuania. That’s all you ever want and it’s stupid how you just cling to that guy. Get over him.” Prussia already knew he was going to regret whatever he said, but it wasn't like that had ever stopped him.

Poland looked a lot angrier. “And like, fall in love with you?”

“Ew, no. I’m out of your league. I’m way too awesome for you.” Poland rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he stared at Prussia. “It’s just sort of pathetic, watching you. Get a clue. He’d rather have some psycho over you. He’d rather have Russia’s sister over you and if that isn’t saying something, I don’t know what is. He’s never going to love you so stop acting so dumb. People suck anyway.”

Prussia waited for Poland to insult him and call him a name. That had to have pissed Poland off. But for the first time, Poland didn’t only look angry. He looked hurt. Prussia had never seen that look on his face. Not after all those fights, not even after the final partition and everything had been taken from him.

If there had been one thing Prussia had always hated about Poland, it was how he never bowed down. Even when he was just as good as a rat in the mud, he’d stand and just give you that look that said ‘You’ll never have me’. Poland was proud and even when defeated? Somehow undefeated. He never belonged to anybody else, even if his lands were all gone. Even if his culture was being threatened, he was always so Polish.

Poland had never once shown Prussia any sign of loss and right now, as Poland honestly and truly showed pain? Something Prussia had always wanted to see from him…

It didn’t feel like a victory.

“Go.”

The word shook Prussia to his core and he knew he had messed up. Prussia collected his shock and frowned, standing up tall. “I’m just going because I don’t want to be—“

“Then go!” Poland shouted, stepping towards him and pushing him to the door. “Nobody wants to see your stupid ugly face around here anyway! You know what’s really pathetic? You. You are totally pathetic. Nobody likes you. Your brother just feels like he has to put up with you and Italy’s always nice to you because he’s nice to everybody! You're a joke and nobody is ever going to love you!”

The words were cutting and some part wondered if maybe he deserved it. Maybe he should have just stopped talking about Lithuania and got over the bizarre jealousy he felt. Perhaps he really should have just realized that he’d done pretty well when Poland had decided to let Prussia actually kiss him.

But since when had he ever been smart?

He left the house without a word because what could be said? Prussia winced when Poland slammed the door behind him and made his way home, feeling like a kicked puppy the entire way.

\--

For weeks Prussia made sure not to mope around. Him and Poland had never been an official anything. They weren’t even friends, but he felt depressed. Like he’d lost something. Maybe him and Poland had never had some amazing love story, but he had liked how soft Poland felt and the way his face looked the first time he had felt Prussia’s erection through his pants.

His mind often went back to his childhood. Before when he was just the Teutonic Knights and Poland had been as small as him. When Hungary was a boy and Prussia felt confused around her. When he thought because he couldn’t touch girls, Poland was the next best thing. Like he was some exception to the rule.

After Poland had given him the boot, he didn’t visit their bar and instead spent his time torturing anybody he could. Getting in the way of Germany and Italy, embarrassing his brother in front of him. Or he’d prank call Austria until Hungary would take the phone and give him some threat that would keep Prussia away for a few days.

If he was honest, he missed Poland. But he’d never been very honest and so he didn’t miss Poland. If he was smart, he would have just sucked it up and said something that would please Poland. But that meant admitting he was wrong and he just didn’t do that. It went against everything he was for.

But when Germany told him he would be gone for the weekend on a business trip with his boss and Prussia found there was absolutely nothing on television, he went to the bar. His and Poland’s bar. It was so sappy, but that’s what it was.

Poland wasn’t there and Prussia felt a mix of relief and disappointment, but he took his beer and made a toast to himself. There was nobody else to toast for. Or anything. He figured he might as well toast for himself if nothing at all.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck here with you.”

Prussia jumped when he saw Poland sit down next to him. Poland didn’t seem to look too awkward at all and he ordered a drink easily. He looked nice. He was wearing jeans, but they were very obviously women’s pants. His shirt was a little big on him and showed off one of his shoulders. He smirked and his lips shone with gloss he’d put on them and Prussia was sure he saw glitter on his eyelids.

“Are you wearing glitter?”

Poland rolled his eyes. “Dude, you just ruined our moment and we haven’t seen each other in forever.”

“Were you waiting here for me all this time?” Prussia asked, feeling proud of himself. Poland wasn't psychic and couldn't have known Prussia would be here this night. Poland had missed him and had been coming to this bar weekly, just like always. Poland had wanted to spend time with him too.

“Yeah, right. I just like this bar and I was totally coming here before I even knew you came here too.”

Prussia doubted it considering he’d never seen Poland here before any of the times he’d been here.

“You missed me,” Prussia stated.

“More like bored,” Poland said, setting his glass down and the look he gave Prussia was meaningful. They weren’t going to apologize. Prussia had never apologized to Poland and Poland had never been one for apologies. That was too humble and Poland was anything but humble.

Poland opened his mouth to say something before he closed it, looking down and his hair hiding his face. Poland was being shy and Prussia was too entranced by this to pick on him. When Poland looked up, Prussia had a feeling that tonight was going to be different. There’d be more than rubbing and kisses. It was in the way Poland bit his lip and still hadn’t said a word though his eyes were speaking for him.

“Germany’s gone for two days.” Prussia decided to do him a favor and be the first to bring up the idea. He knew Poland could read between the lines. “Want to hang out?”  
It probably wasn’t the best come on and it wasn’t like Prussia had any idea what to do. But he hadn’t known how to kiss Poland and he considered himself pretty good at that now.

Poland’s answer was a nod and the air around them seemed thick as they stood up and left the bar. The walk back was a little awkward, but as soon as they got inside Germany’s house, Poland grabbed Prussia and started kissing him. Prussia really wasn’t used to Poland being this dominate and when he felt Poland’s tongue against his, he moaned and took back control.

They tripped a few times as they tried to get to Prussia’s room and it was surprising how hard he felt himself becoming so quickly. It wasn’t a surprise when they tumbled onto the bed and Prussia felt Poland’s erection through his pants. They were moving against each other and it just wasn’t enough. Poland’s moans sounded more desperate and Prussia wanted to see all of him. Bare skin underneath him as his hands trailed everywhere. As Poland begged for him to go faster and harder. Prussia wanted that.

And Poland’s eyes told him he wanted that too.

Prussia stopped moving and Poland looked up at him, looking oddly serious as he brushed a hand up through Prussia’s hair with an amused smile before he spoke.

“You can take them off, you know…”

“What?”

“My pants. And the other stuff.”

It wasn’t the most eloquent way of telling him to strip him, but it’d do and Prussia wasn’t sure how he should do it. He wanted to do it all quickly and see what nobody else had ever gotten to. Not even Lithuania. Isn’t this what he’d wanted? Poland all to himself? All for the taking? Perhaps not in this context, but…

Doing it so quickly didn’t seem right, though. Patience was key and Prussia chose for a pace in the middle.

He took Poland’s shirt off and Poland blushed. He was such a prude still. No wonder him and Lithuania had never done this. But his shyness about this was nice and when the rest of his clothes followed, even his ears were red. Prussia stared. At his face and all the way down. To his chest with the faint burn scars there and his stomach that was begging to be touched. His eyes trailed down and even though he really didn’t think Poland’s dick was that special compared to the rest of him, he couldn’t help moving his hands down to cup him.

Poland jumped, his eyes wide before he frowned at him. Not in anger or anything of the sort, though.

“Dude, are you still obsessed with my balls?”

Prussia grinned. “I got to touch them.”

“After like, a million years.”

“So? I’m still touching them.” But he didn’t stay there for long as he wrapped his fingers around Poland. Poland cried out and moved with him, closing his eyes as he seemed a little embarrassed by his reaction.

“What were you like, even doing? Dreaming about my balls?” Poland’s tone was breathy and like he really had to focus on what he was saying.

“Psh. You wish.” Prussia’s index and middle finger moved over the tip and Poland cried out again. Prussia liked that sound and repeated the movement.

“Y-you probably built a shrine to them or something,” Poland murmured and it was obvious he was trying to act like he was not receiving a hand job and like he wasn’t enjoying this thoroughly.

“You are going to kill my boner,” Prussia grumbled and when Poland opened his eyes, Prussia saw the heat in them and knew that if Poland continued to look like that, there was no worries about him suddenly losing his arousal.

But he was surprised when Poland changed them around so he was on top. Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong Poland actually was when he acted so goofy and pranced about with his stupid ponies.

“Then I’ll get you naked.”

Poland’s removal of his clothing wasn’t too graceful and Prussia was sure if it wasn’t for the fact he could clearly see Poland’s erection, he would have said something to ruin the moment. But Poland was naked, on top of him, and getting him naked too. They were going to have sex and something inside of Prussia just hummed. He hadn’t ever thought he’d be doing this with Poland. Or anybody for that matter.

Life was strange and good.

When he was naked, Poland stared at him and then shyly touched him. Prussia groaned and when Poland started to stroke him, making Prussia moan loudly, Prussia knew he wanted inside Poland now.

“Idiot, if that keeps going, I’m going to blow it.”

A twisted grimace went appeared on Poland’s face and when he stopped his hand, Prussia cursed himself mentally. “That’s gross.”

“Well, that’s what happens! What should I say?!”

“I don’t know! Just…not that. That’s so icky.”

Prussia rolled his eyes and sat up, Poland letting himself under him again as Prussia pinned Poland down. “Then we should stop talking and get down to it. Yeah?”

“…’Kay.”

Kissing seemed like a good way to relax them again. He was good at that and as he thought it would, Poland eased up. The mood was hot and Prussia liked kissing, liked biting on Poland’s neck softly. Kissing Poland was nice and touching him was too. But he was sure being inside of him would be even better.

After a few more minutes of kissing, Prussia pulled away and bent to Poland’s ear, biting the earlobe gently. “I’m going to go inside you.” Prussia thought he sounded hot and thought Poland would melt in his touch.

It didn’t have the desired effect. Poland pulled back, glaring at him. “Just like this?”

"Yeah?” Prussia was confused.

“Um no. There’s this thing called foreplay and you haven’t even done any of that.”

“What do you know about foreplay?! You’re the proud Catholic virgin here!”

“So were you and you’re about to do this!” Poland frowned and then sighed. “You just have to, you know, prepare me and stuff.”

Prussia sighed irritably and sat up. “You’re going to kill my boner, I swear to Christ.”

“Don’t talk about Him when we’re naked. That is so sacrilegious,” Poland replied with a pout. “And if you do lose it, I’ll totally use my mouth…”

“Wait, really? You’d give me a blowjob?” Prussia knew he sounded dumb, but being promised a blow job seemed like a good excuse to lose his cool.

Poland’s pout persisted. “Only if you like, stopped being hard.”

Prussia was tempted to try to will his erection away, but as his mind imagined Poland’s mouth wrapped around his cock and Poland on his knees, it didn’t have that effect. If anything, he just wanted to get off now and he groaned. “You’re a tease. You could handle me doing this without any—“

“No.” Poland glared. “We’re doing this the right way. If you’ll go get some baby oil or something, maybe I can try, you know, using my mouth for a bit…”

"Be right back." Prussia got up quickly, walking to the bathroom and searching for the baby oil. There had to be some damn baby oil around here and he fumbled around in drawers until he searched the cabinets. When he found it, it was like finding something precious you thought you’d lost. He practically ran back to the room and Poland was laying down, waiting. His hair fanned out behind him and when he turned his head, he looked like the definition of desirable.

“You’re beautiful.” The words escaped from him before he even knew what he was saying. He cursed himself for saying something so corny, but the smile Poland gave him seemed worth it. At that moment, he didn’t care about blowjobs. “You can do the other stuff later. I just need you.”

Poland was still smiling and he looked away, embarrassed but pleased. “You’re being a sap.”

“Shut up.” The moment seemed so precious suddenly. His hand moved to Poland’s cheek, stroking it and making Poland look at him. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t the one Poland loved. All that did matter was that Poland wanted him and right now, he had Poland for a small amount of time. Somebody belonged to him in a way he’d never had anybody. Poland had always remembered him as something terrible, but now he’d also be Poland’s first.

It was corny and it was dumb, but Prussia reveled in the feeling. He bent down and started kissing Poland softly, moving over him as he tried to open up the baby oil. His fingers fumbled and when he finally managed to get it open, it spilled all over Poland’s stomach and he squealed into the kiss.

“You’re making a mess! My stomach’s all oily now.”

“We’re going to make a mess anyway.” His fingers coated in the baby oil, he took a breath and sat up. Seeing Poland’s face as he touched him was something Prussia wanted. He stroked Poland for a few moments, delighting in the moans Poland made. “Spread your legs out.”

Poland blushed, but complied and when he realized that Poland was under him, legs spread, the moment was real. What they were doing was so real and nothing could stop this. Prussia wouldn’t let anything stop this.

He was anxious for a few moments about touching Poland there, but when he did, Poland’s eyes widened in shock. As if he was surprised they were doing this, too, but he didn’t say a word. Not even when the finger slowly moved inside. This was something so new and foreign to Prussia. He didn’t really know exactly what to do. He’d read about it and heard about it, but that was so different to actually doing it.

He tried thrusting movements, though slow, with the finger and Poland made a face.

“This isn’t really all that good,” he said, bending his knees like he hoped that would make a difference. “Is this it?”

Prussia scowled. “No, I’m not even in you yet. You can’t decide whether or not it’s good until then so just hold on.” He added a second finger and Poland winced, but otherwise said nothing else. Poland was tight and if this was supposed to be preparing him, Prussia wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job. Especially since Poland didn’t exactly seem pleased and about ready to beg for more. His erection was already starting to soften. The third finger was added when Poland didn’t seem to mind two and Poland gasped when he felt the third, all three fingers going in a little deeper.

“Hey, like, wiggle your fingers.”

“What?” Prussia gave him a confused look.

“Just wiggle your fingers or something!”

Prussia rolled his eyes, not understanding what Poland was doing, but he did as he was demanded. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t like there was a lot of room to do this, and when Poland moaned Prussia was even more perplexed.

“Poland, what?”

“Keep doing that,” Poland murmured, his breath picking up. “You’re doing something good.”

That was the most simple compliment Prussia had ever heard, but it was a compliment and it stroked his ego regardless. Especially since Poland’s erection was starting to harden up again. Poland was right. He was doing something good and Poland was enjoying it. Prussia wasn’t sure what he was doing and it was kind of weird, but Poland liked it. Poland got into it and it was nice to see. After a while, though, Prussia grew bored. It was all well for Poland to be the only one being pleasured, but Prussia wasn’t going to allow him to be the only one. When he pulled his fingers out, Poland let out a squawk of protest and Prussia frowned.

“I’m going in.”

Poland nodded after a moment of surprise, suddenly looking more anxious. “Put baby oil on you.”

Poland already was pretty slick and so Prussia didn’t really understand why he was so damn obsessed with everything having baby oil on it, but he did it. If he wanted to have sex with Poland, he’d just do what he wanted.

Legs spread and looking nervously ready, Poland gave him a look that told him to go ahead and do it. Prussia wrapped his fingers around his cock and tried to guide himself into Poland. It had always seemed like an easy thing in practice. In reality, it was a little more difficult. Poland winced when the head of Prussia’s cock was inside and snapped at him when Prussia tried to move inside more quickly.

“I don’t want to be doing this all night!”

“Well I don’t want your stupid thing hurting me! I’ll go if you don’t do it like I want you to!”

Prussia glared at him and Poland met it, glaring right back. If he had known things would be this complicated, he would have just skipped everything. The few times he’d seen Poland look hot just wasn’t worth all this fuss, but he was inside of him and he’d worked how hard to get to this point? He frowned and went at the speed Poland had ordered and what was probably an hour later (it was actually a few minutes, but he'd claim it was totally an hour), he was all the way inside of him.

It was clear that Poland was trying to adjust to this and Prussia could imagine that if he even tried to thrust, Poland would scream and yell at him about how to do things. There was a newly founded respect for Lithuania. Who could live with this all the time?

A few moments later, Poland told him to try moving and when he did, he moaned himself. His mind had been too preoccupied on insulting Poland inside his mind, but now that he was actually focusing on thrusting, it did feel good. Poland didn’t seem to share the same thought, his face still looking uncomfortable and so Prussia wasn’t sure if they’d ever do this again. Prussia closed his eyes and kept his movements steady, deciding he’d take what he could from this disaster. He couldn’t have done anything wrong, it had to have been Poland. Failure wasn’t something he did.

Poland gasped and Prussia’s eyes opened, staring down at Poland. He stopped moving and Poland’s face was red.

“I think you’re touching where your fingers did. Keep touching me there.”

Prussia frowned. “How? I think there’s only one way I can really go here.”

Poland gave him a scowl and Prussia wasn’t going to argue. If there was a chance that Poland would enjoy this, he’d have to try. He tried to repeat the motion he had before, but it didn’t seem to work. It took a few tries until Poland gasped again. Prussia had no idea what he was doing, but Poland seemed to be relaxing. He tried going faster and Poland wrapped his arms around Prussia. Not every time did Prussia find that spot Poland seemed to like, but Poland didn’t really seem to mind.

It was disappointing how soon Prussia felt himself getting to his orgasm. Poland didn’t seem near it and Prussia bit back a sigh as he kept moving. Another deeper thrust and Prussia lost it, grunting when he climaxed. Prussia looked down at Poland, who looked up at him, surprised.

“That’s it?” Poland said, frowning.

Prussia felt his confidence being shaken. “It was my first time! I couldn’t help it!”

Poland squirmed. He wasn’t as hard as he had been, but he was still aroused. He probably wanted to get off and was too shy to say anything. Prussia moved out of Poland with an awkward movement and moved down to wrap his lips around Poland’s cock. He hadn’t seen himself ever getting into this predicament. Maybe he should have just let Poland take care of himself, but Prussia wanted them to do this again one day. That’s all it was and it wasn’t the fact that Poland appeared a little disappointed.

Blow jobs were not something Prussia had ever learned to do. They hadn’t been something he had ever thought he would do and it was awkward, but Poland was making noises that seemed to show he was enjoying it. This would do and so Prussia continued. Poland really didn’t sound too bad, making those moaning noises and as soon as Prussia tried to take Poland all the way inside of his mouth, Poland cried out and came. It had been sudden and Prussia had to stop himself from choking.

With a cough, Prussia sat up. “Give me some warning!”

Poland blushed. “You didn’t warn me when you did it!”

Prussia glared and flopped beside Poland. This night didn’t go how Prussia thought it would and he felt disappointed. Shouldn’t it have been better? Whatever had gone wrong, it didn’t matter. Poland probably wasn’t going to see him anymore after tonight.

But it was surprising when he felt Poland move closer to him, smiling a little.

“That sucked.”

“Whatever.”

Poland was silent for a moment and then he rested his head on Prussia’s shoulder. “Germany will be gone for a couple days, right? I guess we have time to practice. I’m sleeping here for the night, okay? I already told Liet I was busy for the night.”

Prussia could only nod, shocked. Poland had planned this? He had really thought Poland would call it quits and he stayed surprised for most of the night as Poland slept heavily on him. When Prussia did fall asleep, he guessed a little bit of practice wouldn’t be too bad.

\--

They had argued for a bit about things when they’d woken up. What to have for breakfast, whether or not Prussia needed a shower, and even the second time they had sex. The second time was more enjoyable, though Prussia still didn’t really know how to make Poland beg and moan. He could only do it when he used his mouth. But the third time they tried it Poland had gotten on his hands and knees and that had been good. Erotic enough that Prussia lost control of his thoughts.

His fingers were digging into Poland’s hips a little, but he was thrusting much more easily into Poland now after he had had some practice. Poland was clutching at the pillows and was actually moaning at times.

“You do like this.”

“Shut up and just keep going!”

It was the closest thing to begging and Prussia decided to take it as that. What was disappointing was that Prussia still wasn’t too good at lasting very long, though he had done better this time than the other two times. He learned that if he just stroked Poland when he felt his orgasm coming, Poland didn’t last too long either.

As they lay there together panting, Poland started laughing and sat up. “Okay, that didn’t totally suck.”

Prussia smirked and leaned up to kiss Poland. “More like that was completely awesome. You did like it.”

“Maybe.” Poland kissed him back and then laid back on Prussia’s bed. “Germany’s back tomorrow, right? I guess I have to go.” There was a slight hint of disappointment there and Prussia understood. He didn't want Poland to go either.

“Yeah. Whatever, though. We can plan other times.” He tried not to look at Poland as he waited for his answer. Poland had never said they’d do this again and he hoped they would, but maybe Poland got what he wanted and that was it.

“Yeah, we’ll plan it out next time at the bar.”

Prussia grinned and pulled Poland close. Poland seemed to like closeness and immediately clung to him. It was affectionate and made Prussia wonder if this was all right, but he didn't have much choice when Poland fell asleep. Looking down at him, Poland's lips quirked into a smile and his blond hair not looking as neat and orderly, Prussia decided he didn't mind. Sleep came quickly to him.

The next morning he awoke to Germany calling out his name. Prussia rubbed at his tired eyes when he realized Germany was calling for him at the bathroom. He then realized Poland wasn’t in the bed and also realized the shower was going.

“Oh shit,” Prussia cursed, pulling on his pajama pants and acting without much thought. Germany finding out about him and Poland was not something they had planned on. That made things difficult. When Prussia came bounding out of his room, Germany stared at him when he finally saw that it was not Prussia in the bathroom.

“I just left Italy’s,” Germany said, trying to think through choices and he stared at the bathroom again. Like he was wondering what to do and if he should open the door. “Who is it?”

Prussia frowned. “A poltergeist?” He wanted to slap his head at that and when the door opened to show Poland in a towel, the entire earth stopped moving. Germany’s face lost all color as he saw Poland and Poland looked more horrified than Prussia had ever seen him. Germany wasn’t supposed to be back until tonight and Poland had every right to look that horrified. This had to have been the most awkward thing to happen in a long while.

Beginning to obnoxiously laugh, Prussia spoke up. “G-geesh, Poland?! What are you doing here?!”

It wasn’t the right thing to say because Poland’s face went red from embarrassment and he ran to Prussia’s room. He ran right back out, fully clothed and soon a slam of the front door was heard.

Germany hadn’t moved from his spot and Prussia wasn’t too sure what to say. What excuse was there for Poland to be using their shower? For him getting dressed in his own clothes in Prussia’s room? Not to mention that Prussia obviously only had his pajama bottoms on. Even if he had all day to think up a story, he was sure Germany wouldn’t buy it.

“So I’m starving, what about you?” Prussia said, feeling uncomfortable and not meeting his little brother's eyes. When he began to walk away, Germany followed after him. They both sat at the kitchen table and Germany finally said something.

“I-I would just like to say that I am sure you know how our histories with Poland have been.” Germany looked very unsure and he stared down at the table quickly. “I would like to ask you to be please be careful and not cause any problems with Poland. It would be trouble for the both of us. Please be careful.”

At that, Germany got up and for the rest of the day, kept himself busy in his office as Prussia sat around and did nothing, only hoping the week would go by quickly. He tried not to think about Germany’s words or that maybe him seeing Poland like this was more serious than he really thought it was.

\--

When they met again, they both decided that going to Prussia’s wasn’t a good idea and so it really put a dent in any time they could get together. They only could if Poland’s place was free since Poland said there was no way he would do it in the bathrooms. On the bright side, absence made the heart grow fonder. Or at least the body did because desperation kicked in when they couldn’t get together physically. It at least made them not mind the fact neither of them were too good at this and instead relish the release they both got. It was easier to forget it could be better when you were just happy to have it. Sex was new and shiny to both of them. Something that was fun to work on and the fact they couldn’t practice as much as they wanted to only made it more special.

The days they couldn't do it, Prussia imagined Poland's face when they had sex. His voice and his body. He couldn't get Poland off his mind and he wondered if Poland ever thought about him. Did he ever miss him? If it weren't for the risk of Lithuania answering the phone, sometimes Prussia wanted to call Poland. He didn't care so much about Lithuania, but Poland did. All Prussia cared about was spending time with Poland and he didn't want things destroyed.

Recently they hadn’t been able to be together in a few weeks and when Poland came practically skipping into the bar, Prussia had an idea why he seemed so happy. The words “Liet’s out for a few hours” made him gulp down his drink and follow Poland back to his place.

In Poland’s room, their moans and pants filled it as Poland clung to him. He was murmuring Prussia’s name and had his legs spread as far as he could. His hair was a mess and Prussia sucked on his neck, thrusting into him as they worked together to find completion. It was passionate and raw, different than any of their other times. Poland was closer to his climax and as soon as Prussia stroked him, Poland came with a loud moan. Prussia still wasn't done and he kept thrusting, Poland looking up at him as he caught his breath. When Poland smiled and moved a hand down Prussia's back, stroking it, Prussia came.

Trying to catch his own breath now, he held Poland close to him, kissing his forehead. Poland's smile became soft and Prussia pressed kisses where he could reach, quickly moving to kiss his neck again.

“No marks," Poland said.

Prussia groaned. “I want to know how you’d explain it all away.”

“Hair dryer or curler or straightener or something, I don’t know.” Poland sounded completely relaxed and he stretched, smiling lazily. “I guess you got a little better.”

“I rock your world,” Prussia said confidently and Poland lightly punched his shoulder. “Admit it.”

“Whatevs.” Poland brushed it off and shrugged as he sat up, bringing his knees to his chest as he looked down at Prussia. “Isn’t it weird, though?”

“What’s weird?”

Poland looked out his window, at the night sky and smiled. “Us. What we’re doing. It’s all super weird.”

It was weird and sometimes Prussia wondered how they went from two guys who hated each other to two guys who still disliked each other, but couldn’t stop what they were doing. Deep down, Prussia knew this was all they’d have before one of them got bored. None of this would last and he hated thinking about it. He didn't like how it made him feel.

"Do you mind?" Prussia asked. "What we're doing?"

Poland seemed to think it over and when he shook his head, Prussia kissed him. It was soft and Poland easily melted into his touch. Prussia didn't want to imagine this would all be over one day. He couldn't find himself getting bored of the feeling of having Poland this close. Even just their little talks after they'd been together were nice and Prussia didn't care what Poland had done in the past and he hoped Poland wasn't as angry about their past either.

“Hey, when’s the wuss coming home?”

“Don’t call him that or I’m kicking you off my bed.”

Prussia sighed. “Fine, when is your roommate coming home?” He wasn't calling him by name.

“Um.” Poland seemed to be thinking it over, like he couldn’t quite remember. “I think he said by ten. He just had to get some last minute things done at work.”

It was only eight-thirty and Prussia grinned, pushing Poland down into his blankets as he rolled on top of him. “Then we got a bit of time before I have to go.”

\--

“Prussia, stop!” Poland was laughing and leaning against his couch as Prussia kissed him. “Dude, you’re being clingy. Liet’s going to come back.”

It was nearing nine-thirty and Prussia found he really hadn’t enough time with Poland. He kissed his lips and then trailed down to his neck as he bit him softly there. “Screw him. We should get a hotel room or something. I want you.”

Shaking his head, Poland smirked. “You can wait until next week or something. You’re such a pervert.”

His attempts to push Prussia out the door weren’t good and they ended up making out on the couch. It was going well until the front door opened and they both froze as a familiar voice called out.

“Hey, Poland? I brought some take-out. You told me you kept craving some—“ Lithuania walked to living room and saw Prussia and Poland on the couch. It was obvious what was going on. Prussia was on top of Poland, whose shirt was unbuttoned again. “Prussia? Poland? What…?”

Poland laughed awkwardly and sat up, pushing Prussia off of him. “Liet, hi. That was totally nice of you! Um, Prussia was just leaving, right?” Poland looked at Prussia, giving a look that was telling him to get out. Prussia didn’t need to be told twice and he stood up, but froze when Lithuania looked at him.

“What’s going on?”

“Um.” Poland started buttoning his shirt up again and straightening out his hair. “That’s a really good question and like, Prussia was just…”

At that point, Prussia hated the idea of being brushed off by Poland all for the sake of Lithuania. But when he looked at Lithuania again, he didn't look like a wuss anymore. Just like with Poland, it was always so easy to forget how strong Lithuania had been once upon a time. Memories of Lithuania behind him, pushing a knife against his neck came to mind. But Prussia didn’t care. That was the past. “What does it look like? We were making out. Before that I fucked him.”

“Don’t say it like that!” Poland screeched and he looked to Lithuania, whose face was red in embarrassment. “Listen, dude, Prussia and—“

Lithuania shook his head. “Why? Poland, I…I’m really disappointed.” His face fell and he really did look like he was upset at Poland. Poland’s face was the absolute portrait of shame and heartbreak.

“Liet, I—“ Poland began, but Prussia stepped in.

“How is this any of your business?” He said, standing in front of Poland and keeping his eyes straight on Lithuania’s. “Disappointed I got him before you could? He's not your husband anymore.”

Lithuania quickly looked outraged. Prussia doubted that Lithuania had fought anybody for a while, but he looked ready to throw a punch. Maybe go look for a sword he had hidden somewhere and finish the job he'd started all those years ago. “He's my friend." Without Lithuania even knowing it, he hurt Poland even more. Prussia couldn’t believe he didn’t see that. “He's my friend and he's too good for you." He looked to Poland, that angry look off of his face. "Poland..."

Prussia laughed. “Oh, so now you’re his keeper? That’s funny. Didn’t know you were his mama. Oh, we fucked on your bed, too.” He was only antagonizing Lithuania now. Lithuania’s presence there, telling Poland how he was disappointed he had been with him just pissed Prussia off.

“He’s lying!” Poland moved in front of Prussia. “Liet, we didn’t do anything in your room. He’s never even been in there. I wouldn’t do that.” Poland sounded so modest and not himself. Lithuania looked at the couch and then to Poland, unsure. Poland grabbed his hand and Prussia scowled. "Believe me."

"Poland, he hurt you. He hurt us. Hes part of the reason you were off the map for over a hundred years. Don't you remember how he terrorized me and my people? All because I was Pagan? Don't you remember how he hurt you? You deserve so much--"

"Don't say that crap!" Poland shouted, letting go of Lithuania's hand. It was sudden and everybody in the room was surprised. Prussia had never thought Poland could ever be mad at Lithuania. It'd always seemed like Lithuania could do nothing wrong in Poland's eyes. "You’re allowed to do whatever you want with Belarus? I don’t like her and always tell you how you deserve better, but you don’t listen to a word I say! But like, you can tell me who I should see or not?!”

"Don't bring Belarus into this!" Lithuania yelled, looking a little surprised at himself before he shook his head. "She never has done anything like he has." He gave a look to Prussia. "I'm not trying to control who you see. I'm just...” It seemed like he wasn't certain what to explain about himself. So he stopped trying. “Why? Why him? You could do better. You could do so much better."

"With who?" Poland said and he sounded questioning. Lithuania stared at him for a moment and with his free hand, it looked like he had been ready to reach out to Poland. To try to touch his hair or his cheek before he dropped his hand back to his side. Poland had seen the movement and he frowned, looking away. Prussia felt his fists clench.

Lithuania looked away as well. "I'll be going to my room. If you want to talk, you know where I am, Poland. Here's your food."

Handing Poland the takeout, he quickly went up the stairs and left Poland looking down at the ground, holding the food Lithuania had gotten him in his hands. Prussia opened his mouth to say something before closing it. He was still pissed and wanting to lash out at someone. He wasn't sure what that moment between Poland and Lithuania had been. He wasn't too sure what just happened, but he didn't like it.

Things suddenly seemed complicated and he wanted to take Poland to a hotel. To have him for the night even if they didn't do anything. He didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that he didn't want Poland here with Lithuania. It felt dangerous. Not to Poland, but to Prussia. If he left Poland here with Lithuania, what was going to happen to what he and Poland had?

“Prussia, um, you should go for the night, okay?” Poland's voice broke through is thoughts.

“You’re not really going to listen to a single thing—“

Poland looked up to him and he just looked tired and exhausted. He looked hurt. “Please. I’ll talk to you next week. Just…go.”

Prussia wanted to say something, make Poland realize how dumb all of this was before he scowled and got his coat. With a glare to Poland and a glare up the stairs, he made his way out of Poland’s cursing the existence of a nation called Lithuania the entire time.

\--

For the whole week Prussia worried what would happen to him and Poland. He had never seen Poland act like he had with Lithuania and it just ticked him off. Sure maybe him and Poland didn’t have a good history. Maybe it had been his fault for some of Poland’s misfortune, but it wasn’t like Lithuania had any right to butt into their relationship. Or whatever they had.

He had always thought that Poland and Lithuania's relationship had been obvious. But how Lithuania had looked at Poland and how entirely obvious it was that Poland felt a lot more than friendship for the guy, Prussia didn't know. His spot in Poland's life seemed a lot more threatened now and he'd grown used to his place.

Germany had been able to tell something had happened with Prussia and the house had been awkward all week as Prussia just moped in his room and paid no attention to anything else. It was better that way because there was no way Prussia was going to let anybody know that the idea of not seeing Poland anymore hurt him. There was just no way he’d ever let anybody know just how much he looked forward to being with Poland.

When their night came up, Prussia tried to calm himself down as he walked to the bar. There was no reason to get himself uptight and he ordered himself a drink to calm his nerves as he waited for Poland. He had a bad feeling, but he tried to squash it down and just focus on his beer. He couldn't control what Poland wanted. That was a lesson he had learned hundred and hundreds of years ago.

“Hey.” Poland sat down next to him and smiled. Prussia hadn’t heard him even walk in. “Um, can we talk? Like not here.”

Those were the dreaded words, but Prussia nodded anyway. They left the bar and were walking down the sidewalk. When Poland didn’t say anything right away, Prussia prompted him and Poland finally sighed, speaking up.

“I’m not going to see you anymore.”

The words hurt a lot more than Prussia thought they would. “Because of Lithuania?”

Poland looked uncomfortable. “No. Not really. Liet and I talked about it. About you and me. He brought up some points. Like what about the other nations? What about—“

“Shut up! You don’t care about them and you never have!” Prussia yelled and Poland frowned, looking away. “This is because Lithuania doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me with you and you’re a wuss just like him.”

No words came from Poland, nothing standing up for himself. When he looked up at Prussia, he looked sad. “No, I don’t care what other nations think. But…but I care what Lithuania thinks.”

“Why?” Prussia knew, but he wanted to hope it wasn’t for the very obvious reason the entire world knew.

“Liet means everything to me and I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. I don’t want him to look at me like that again. It hurts too much.”

And there it was. Poland had never said out loud he loved Lithuania. Everybody knew, except Lithuania, and even Prussia had known. But it had never seemed so serious until now. It wasn't like he had declared his love literally, but he might as well have. Prussia could read in-between the lines. Even Poland's eyes said the words and Prussia glared.

“So I guess that’s it. You stop seeing me, you stop having fun, all because some loser who has a stupid as hell crush on Russia’s sister tells you to.” Prussia laughed, hiding the hurt in his voice. “I don’t even care if I don’t see you anymore. I don’t want to be around someone like you. I’m too good for you. The sex was getting boring.”  
Poland’s face didn’t change and Prussia wondered if Poland knew that his words had no meaning to them. That he was lying through his teeth. But as Poland looked at him and Prussia looked back, he leaned in to give Poland one more kiss. It was passionate and Poland held onto him as they kissed. He could feel in the kiss that Poland would miss him and just how much Poland had enjoyed this. But the kiss lacked something.

It was a kiss that completely lacked anything meaningful. He was never going to have a kiss that meant anything, was he? This was as good as it was ever going to get and now it was gone.

Prussia pulled away and wondered what was next. Just walk away? Just leave things like that. It seemed empty and meaningless. But then it always had been, hadn't it?  
“You’ll regret this,” was all he said and walked away. Some part of him hoped that Poland would agree, that he’d regret ending their time together and chase after him. But he didn’t and Prussia didn’t look back until he got home. All he saw were streets and he shook his head, going inside.

\--

Life moved on. He went to the bar the next week, the usual time, but Poland didn't appear and he didn't the next week either. It was over. Prussia tried hard not to act different, but it wasn't easy. Even in his own bed, he could remember how they had both lost their virginities to each other and Prussia wondered about getting a new bed. But even the entire room held memories and he hated how much of a sap he was acting like.

Prussia decided one day to go to the store and walking there, he saw Poland and Lithuania, laughing and holding hands as they each had a bag of groceries in their hands. They were on the other side of the road. Lithuania didn’t see Prussia, but Poland did. They weren’t walking too fast and Prussia had stopped in his tracks. Poland’s smile had dropped when he looked at Prussia and he wondered if Poland even missed him. If Poland wanted to let go of Lithuania’s hand and run to him and kiss him. Nothing happened and he looked away when he’d gotten too far to keep looking. Prussia went inside the store and laughed bitterly to himself as he saw Poland and Lithuania together, holding hands in his mind. Thinking of how Poland had accustomed himself to stay by a man’s side that wouldn’t love him.

“No way I’ll ever be like that,” Prussia muttered to himself and walked on ahead to buy some beer. Maybe he'd just stay in and drink tonight.


End file.
